I Don’t Care About the Tests, I Care about My Children

Patricia Leet

I have been teaching for over 15 years and have more questions than ever about how to give my children the best education I can in one school year. Throughout my years of experience I have taught in private and public schools with a range of students from affluent to poverty, from 6th grade to 2nd. I have very fond memories of my eight years at a private school in my home town. I decided to leave after my mother had cancer and passed away. It was time to broaden my horizons. I moved to a new city and entered a new school district.

My new school system has been going through many changes because of the No Child Left Behind sanctions and Maine Learning Results requirements. My school was on Adequate Yearly Progress status, which is a warning status, when I came and new programs were being piloted and placed in the curriculum due to low test scores. Training has been in abundance and I’ve been soaking up as much as I can. After two years in the new district I was moved to another school. The community is considered to be low income and impoverished. Many families deal with domestic and /or substance abuse issues. This situation, culminating with time constrains, high expectations from the state, district, and school and my school’s belief, lead me to try team teaching for the first time this year.

In recent years, the push for accountability has changed education and the way I see it today. High stakes testing has become larger than life and some educators are beginning to modify their teachings to meet the requirements. I believed that team teaching was going to solve some of the pressures that I had been feeling in the last couple of years. Simple, I would teach literacy, which is what I love, and refine my practice and give my students the best education I can bestow on them. I thought it would provide more time for instruction and less time in planning. I listened to my colleagues on how well it worked for grades one and two. So with my head held high and a great partner to embark on a new journey in the teaching world, I began the year with high hopes and little foresight.

Few problems surfaced at the beginning but they could easily be worked out. I kept adjusting, and readjusting trying to make things work. I loved the concept of team teaching and the teacher I was working with was great but time seemed to be even more precious than before. It seemed like there was less time because of transitions and interruptions throughout the day. There was little flexibility for developing projects and time seemed to vanish. I found myself rushing through curriculum to cover all the expectations of the district and trying to prepare both classes for the North West Educational Association’s test which they took at the beginning and will at the end of the year measuring academic growth. The children also take the Maine Educational Assessment to determine if our building is put on notice regarding not meeting Adequate Yearly Progress.

My stress level seemed to increase with each passing week. A lot of my children are low achievers. They have problems the test scores do not reveal. Some are dealing with the Department of Health Services regularly. Learning is not always their first priority - sometimes survival is utmost on their minds. Still, I’m putting pressure on myself and them, to fit in Reading, Language Arts, and Writing each day for two groups of children and want to do it well. Each week, more expectations were brought upon us with each grade level meeting. I’d think of all I needed to cover. I’d hear what we had to finish, like the writing prompts and the assessments. The children would come up to share but I thought that I did not have the time. I would listen but in the back of my mind I would be thinking about what we needed to do next. I felt like we had to keep on moving and working. No time for fun right now, maybe later. I started to notice I did not have the control and respect I usually have developed by this time of the year. The “family” was not completely coming together. Not that the class was chaotic and not learning but the cohesive nature I usually felt with my classes seemed to be missing.

Then it all made sense to me as I was moving around my classroom during a reading block time. My students were frantically trying to complete four different stations in the classroom in a short amount of time. I set the timer so each session would have an equal amount of time. The children scrambled about the room looking at the center’s schedule, would move to the appropriate station, and begin working on their particular book, project, writing, or language arts assignment. As the timer ticked away, my students tried to focus on the task at hand and to make progress on their assignments.

It usually would take this group a long time to get situated and I expected a great deal of them in each session. I was trying to squeeze as much material as I could into each session. Time was very important.

One day, the room finally came to a comfortable buzz with students in literature circles, others reading, one group asking questions and discussing, while others were working on a project or snuggled in a corner. I looked around the room with a sigh because this was certainly an environment where learning was prevalent and this year it was happening with less frequency than previous years and then………….. The loud obtrusive sound of the timer went rippling through the class: BEEP, BEEP, and BEEP. Their looks of despair brought me to the “aha” moment of “What am I doing?” I am teaching to the test and losing my students in the process. How did it come to this?

I enrolled in a master’s level teacher leadership program two years ago. Through this experience, the birth of a child, life threatening illness, and a separation, I have become more in touch with what is important in life and what I truly believe as an educator. Before, I always thought I had the key to what makes a good educator but with examination, I am finding that the more I learn, the less I feel like an effective teacher and that there is so much more to learn. Through this journey, I’ve been exploring different styles of teaching and my beliefs are surfacing and are becoming so much stronger.

Due to changes in my life, I have been reflecting on my experiences as a student and teacher. The teachers that made a difference in my learning were the individuals who I thought believed in me. They were the teachers who took the time to develop a relationship with me and showed me that they cared. They were the teachers who praised me when I did well and helped when I needed assistance. They created a warm and safe environment where I felt I could take risks and explore without being ridiculed. Mistakes were acceptable and looked upon as a learning experience. The classroom was where respect was plentiful for both students and teachers. I found that if the teacher provided this style and belief, it inspired me to work hard and to try my best.

I can remember Mr. White who was my favorite teacher. He treated me with respect, was interested in me as a person, and I felt that he knew I could do well in his class. I did not want to let this person down for believing in me so I worked harder than ever. In doing so, I was at the top of my class and moved to an advanced class. I was sad to leave his classroom but he gave me the confidence that I needed to continue performing well in that subject area. Over the years I try to create and provide these teacher qualities that inspired me and recreate them in my classroom for each of my students. But I have found that as the years passed and more expectations were mandated for the classroom teacher, the less time there was to develop the strong relationships that are needed to make the learning experience more meaningful and productive.

Looking back in time, I can still remember how passionate I felt about teaching and the first lesson I prepared for a final exam for my student teaching. It still conjures up feelings of accomplishment and praise. I knew that day; I had chosen the right profession. I loved every moment of what we built throughout the semester. I had the time to get to know the children individually and learned how important respect can play in the classroom

The lesson incorporated art, language arts, history and music. It involved poetry utilizing lyrics from popular songs. We explored different forms as a group and then I pulled out my guitar and told them they were going to become composers and create their own song. We broke into groups and brainstormed on theme, set up, rhyming words and phrases. Piece by piece the song came to fruition. The children were very excited and the enthusiasm carried out throughout the process. Everyone truly participated and each had become a composer.

I continued the lesson by creating a bulletin board with a hand painted guitar. Individual notes were created and songs written out in cursive complimented the notes. We shared the song with the entire school because the response was so overwhelming and it became a ritual to sing it everyday for the remainder of the year. The journal entries made me realize how meaningful the day was to them.

My supervisor, professors, and teacher who were observing the lesson had great big smiles and words of praise on the success of the lesson. It was a great way to start my teaching career.

Reflecting back on how creative and spontaneous I was in the classroom. This was just the first of many inspirational units and lessons I have taught throughout the years. It saddens me that I have felt that I didn’t have the time to continue the way I believe the children should be taught. I do remember when I had time or made time to interact with the children in a personal way, let them see me as a person, and experienced learning as fun. I remember when meaningful curriculum to individual students and differentiating was the norm. It really wasn’t that long ago. Projects were abundant and hands-on learning was what the children looked forward to in my classroom. Now, because the expectations are so high on specific standards, and time is so little, the fun projects have become fewer and fewer and seated instruction has unfortunately returned. Scripted programs were adopted and specific assessments are in place.

I keep returning to the importance of relationships and the feeling of belonging. It is the core of my belief in the classroom. Everything seems to come back to relationships when it comes to learning. One particular class will stay with me for the rest of my life because of the family we created during the year.

My mom had cancer and it was metastasizing quite fast at the beginning of the year. I relied on my students for sanity that year. At first I did not let my students in on what I was experiencing but because of the closeness of the community there was no way around it. My children cared about me and wanted to know if my mom and I were ok. As the year progressed and my mom got worse, it was very difficult to come in with a smile, after being up all night and dealing with emotions I never knew I had. The beautiful thing was my students kept me going. They made me laugh, their stories were refreshing, their accomplishments amazed me, and I loved coming in everyday to teach.

I look back at the class picture that year and tears come to my eyes because of all the emotions it conjures up. I thought I wouldn’t remember but I do remember each and every one of them. I can tell what they liked, their family situations, what type of personalities they had and what they were best at. They were a special bunch of kids. Just like all my other classes. They worked so hard for me that year. Progress was undeniable. I believe they worked so hard for me because I let them in and talked to them honestly about how I was feeling and how important they were to me. I showed them respect.

My mother died the last day of school. I did not go to school that day. I wanted to go and say thank you and good bye properly but it wasn’t possible. Several days later, I was at my mother’s wake with family and friends honoring my mother’s life. The room became completely silent and I realized that everyone was staring at me. With me not knowing what was going on, my family directed my view to the front entrance of the funeral home where I saw one of my students walk in. He walked in my direction, holding a rose. His mother was with him. To my amazement, one by one, my whole class came in handing me a rose and hugged me before saying good bye to my mom. I couldn’t stop crying because I was so touched by their compassion. These children helped me through a very difficult time and in turn they learned how to help others in a time of need. Everyday was a lesson in humanity. I know that growth took place for both the children and me. Tests cannot measure the learning that took place that year.

I do believe in accountability but the use of high stakes testing can be detrimental to the instruction that is given in a teacher’s classroom. Children need to be stimulated and curriculum needs to be meaningful for the students to carry that knowledge to their next endeavor. I believe that my students learned more that year by understanding relationships between parents, students, teachers, and the community. I believe they learned how important one can be in a time of sadness and that laughter and hope can come from it. They learned what compassion is.

This year, I have a child in my class who is painfully shy. I had his sister and she was equally shy. For an assignment in my master’s class, I decided to work with Shawn and interview him at the beginning of the year. Throughout the year, I’ve used the soft glove approach with him, always trying to build a rapport. He started raising his hand in class and I would call on him and praise his answers and move on quickly, trying not to bring any additional attention to him. He slowly started raising his hand regularly and answering in his soft scratchy voice. Little by little I would strike up a conversation but would usually get short yes/no answers. He would not look me in the eye and always looked like he was ready to retreat. I noticed that he was forming friendships with two classmates and even caught him several times talking when he wasn’t supposed to. Of course, I would look the other way and smile because of the progress he was making.

Last week when I was out on duty Shawn was trying to talk to me. He would get really close and then run away. This happened several times that recess. When we got in the classroom, he was wringing his hands and seemed so anxious that he was about to burst. Shawn ran right up to me and blurted out a loud and determined “HI” and once I responded with a huge smile and a hello, he slipped away. From that initial “HI”, Shawn has approached me several times asking me questions, telling me stories, and looking directly into my eyes! It was as if the flood gates have opened and there is a whole new person waiting to come out and express himself. These relationships could be a break through for Shawn and his learning. He has had a positive year and has learned to trust and be safe with people. He is learning to communicate. If I hadn’t taken the time to develop a relationship, he may not have made any progress and stayed in his sheltered world.

All of these factors have led me to the realization that I need to teach the way that is true to me and do what works best in the classroom to make a difference. I feel I have missed many opportunities to make a difference in my students’ learning because I was so determined to fit in as much material I could so they would do well on the tests. In retrospect, my intentions were honorable but the children’s well being is so much more important to me than a test. It was so easy to get wrapped up in the need to pass the tests and lose touch with what is most important.

I have such hopes and desires for my teaching that go beyond just meeting the requirements. I cannot let the tests take over my practice and let them take away everything that is dear to me. I have tweaked my practice back to working with each individual child which I had continued to do but recognize the opportunities that I have missed with some of the children. I make it a point to stop and listen to each child because I know the importance of my caring. I’m also vividly aware of the importance of providing nurturing, caring relationships in their lives because most of them are not receiving them at home. I am making time to teach them communication skills and how to make good choices because they will need these skills in order to interact appropriately with others in a school community. I am teaching what I believe is most important.

I am already feeling better. I have a smile on my face and feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. The children seem happier and I am more approachable. Even my shyest student is talking with me! They are noticing that I am digging in my closets and bringing out stuff they had not seen before. Art is part of our lessons now and I have more “yeses” for their questions and interests than adamant “nos”. I am letting them talk more and group discussions are longer and more fulfilling. The classroom seems lighter and already I am finding niches where we do have time to talk about us.

Even after many years of teaching, through self examination of practice, I have found answers that will help in the betterment of my practice. In the process, I also have discovered what brought me to the profession in the beginning and re-visited the passions I once and still have. With this commitment to life long learning, I hope to help my children move one step closer to having the ability to accomplish anything they put their mind to.

Discussion Questions

If someone in your building felt like this, would this be acceptable? Why or Why not?
Which is more important to you, being accountable or the students well being?
Can you think of a situation where your teachings were not coinciding with your beliefs? How did you handle it?

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